I can see what lies before me
I can understand how it all seems strange
From the outside looking in
It’s not that I’m blind
Its easy to find reasons for you to criticize
I know I am blessed
But still I’m a mess
My mind refuses to allow my mind rest
(Will this ever go away?)

Darkness grows
It’s tearing me apart again
I feel so far removed from everything I love
Damn my blind heart

I can see the same things you see
But colors fade and often turn to grey
My mind gets in the way
It’s telling me lies that I still believe
Making me blind to all that’s good
It tries to convince me that I’m unworthy
That pain’s the only thing that I deserve
(Will I ever know any different?)

Darkness grows
It’s tearing me apart again
I feel so far removed from everything I love
Damn my blind heart

See me in the dark
See me in the dark
Throw away my heart
Throw away my heart

Its not always rain
It’s hard to stare at the sun
It’s not always pain
It still hurts to be numb
Its not always a crawl
Still there’s nowhere to run
Its not always the dark
But the light keeps getting dimmer

(Oh God this) Darkness grows
It’s tearing me apart again
I feel so far removed from everything I love
God damned my heart
My broken heart

(Just let me go)

An uninvited guest lurks in the shadows of the human experience.

It wears many faces - some familiar, others unrecognizable.

Imagine waking each morning, not to the soft embrace of dawn, but to the weight of an invisible burden pressing down…

As if the very air you breathe
has turned to lead.

The world, once vibrant and full of potential, appears muted as though colors have faded from a cherished painting.

Tasks that once brought joy feel like insurmountable mountains.

Distant echoes, haunting reminders of what once was.

The mind, a relentless critic.
Breathing becomes shallow.
Simple pleasures become elusive.
Relationships, too, suffer in the shadowy landscape.
Motivation becomes nonexistent.
Anxiety becomes unbearable.
Conversations become strained.
Whispers of self doubt grow louder.
…..
(Overwhelmed)

Just another day
of telling myself everything that I do is all wrong
Will I ever be good enough?

Turn the page again
Voices creep in and insist
That I’ll never be strong enough
To resist and overcome

Let it go, let it go
Let it go, let it go
Let it go, let it go

This won’t go away
And slowly it breaks me down
Wasting away in the dark 
As the last of me disappears

Sometimes I am fine
The clouds dissipate long enough to reveal all I love
All that I do not deserve
(still I try… )
I try to find any sense of relief
Try to escape everything that is me

Let it go, let it go
Let it go, let it go
Let it go, let it go

This won’t go away
And slowly it breaks me down
Wasting away in the dark 
As the last of me disappears

Sometimes I am fine
Sometimes I am fine
Sometimes I am fine
Sometimes I am fine
Sometimes I am fine
Sometimes…

This won’t go away
And slowly it breaks me down
Wasting away in the dark 
As the last of me disappears
This won’t go away
And slowly it breaks me
Wasting away in the dark 
As the last of me disappears

Let it go, let it go
Let it go, let it go
Let it go, let it go

The mind can often become a labyrinth of shadows where thoughts twist and turn into unsettling echoes.

In this darkness, clarity can feel just out of reach and even the simplest of moments may seem shrouded in uncertainty.

In moments of struggle it’s easy to lose sight of our essence - to feel consumed by the weight of our thoughts.

At times it is very difficult to grasp.

We do not want these feelings to encapsulate our entire being.

We do not want to be defined by our struggles.

It’s essential to recognize that these feelings, while intense, do not define you.

Or do they?

Watch as the shadows fall all around me 

If they fade there’s no telling what truth they might reveal
Yeah. 

Truth - I can’t tell if there’s more to me.
I fight with myself but I can’t fight what I feel.
Yeah

Breathe in, breathe out 

And live in doubt

Escape from the darkness

Feel something different 

Praying for silence 

Maybe I should just give up and

Accept that this is who I am

Why was I chosen to be this way?

If I could change I’d destroy it all and start again
Yeah

Fight? Is this a war that I can win?
Before it finally does me in? 

This can’t be all I am

Breathe in, breathe out 

And live without


Escape from the darkness 

Feel something different 

Praying for silence 

Maybe I should just give up

And I wonder if I’m worth more than the storm

Can I find shelter here?

Or will I continue to drown?

Escape from the darkness 

Feel something different 

Praying for silence 

Maybe I should just give up and

Accept that this is who I am

Escape from the darkness 

Feel something different 

Praying for silence 

Maybe I should just give up and 

Accept that this is who I am

Often we find ourselves clinging to familiar patterns even when they weigh us down.

There’s a peculiar comfort in what we know even when it feels heavy.

The thought of change can feel overwhelming like stepping into a vast uncharted landscape.

Loneliness is safest

The known patterns, while burdensome, provide a semblance of stability, making the prospect of confronting the unknown even more daunting.

Uncertainty looms larger than the familiar shadows we carry.

As we sense the onset of another episode, anxiety grips us whispering fears of a deeper descent.

Please. leave Me Alone.

What might this episode bring?

The uncertainty can be paralyzing.

Amplifying the urge to cling to the known.

The idea of letting go to experience the slightest bit of change feels more terrifying than the weight itself.

We know what we know. We fear what we don’t know.

And while that may be damaging, it protects us like a weighted blanket in which we hide underneath.

After years of navigating this landscape the thought of change can feel overwhelming like standing at the edge of an abyss unsure of what lies beyond.

I heard you driving in my car
Then in a frozen bar
I claimed I didn't care for you
But your verse got trapped inside my head
Over and over again
You played yourself to death in me

I thought I'd drop you easily
But that was not to be
You burrowed like a summer tick
So you invade my sleep
And confuse my dreams
Turn my nights to sleepless itch

Stuck on you 'til the end of time
I'm too tired to fight your rhyme
Stuck on you 'til the end of time
You've got me paralyzed

Holding on the telephone
I hear your midrange moan
You're everywhere inside my room
Even when I'm all alone
I hear your mellow drone
You're everywhere inside of me

Stuck on you 'til the end of time
I'm too tired to fight your rhyme
Stuck on you 'til the end of time
You've got me trapped
I can't escape your incessant whine
When you beam it out all across the sky
No I can't escape your insipid rhyme
When you shoot it deep straight into my mind

(Written by Ken Andrews & Greg Edwards)

Each day becomes a battleground where the mind wrestles with those relentless harmful voices.

They tell us we are unworthy - that escape is the only answer.

These feelings are often compounded and amplified by outside factors: financial obligations, familial relationships, past trauma, political dissent, media consumption, social opinion.

Yet amidst this chaos there lies an instinct to fight back, to seek light, to cling to fleeting moments of clarity.

This tension creates an intricate dance between surrender and resistance where the fear of succumbing to the ultimate end battles against the desire for connection and life.

Everyday living in the fear of not knowing which side will ultimately be victorious.

The compass is broken
You’re lost on the path
The future is carved out
By the blade of your past

Nothing is changing
Years of the same
A mental infection
The torture, rejection
A mindfuck reflection
A slow drip of pain

Why?

The leeches are starving
Feed on the blood of the mind
And shit out the toxins
Leaving the conscious behind
The angels and devils
Are at war with your soul
Whispering opposites
Vying for control

I am real
I am tired
I am fading into the fire

Why?
Just tell me why.

All alone I find myself
Bracing for the next fall
All the work I’ve done on myself
It doesn’t matter at all

The clouds are a cover
But they will not save you
The apathy of others
Will only degrade you
The thoughts that won’t leave you
Will never let up
And no one believes you
When you say you give up
The noise will not silence
It screams in your ear
Robs you of peace
Every time
Forcing anxiety
Leave you in fear
Your heart is not better
In fact it’s worse
Pain is the blessing
And you are the curse

The presence of a significant other can transform this experience.

Their unwavering support acts as a lifeline grounding us when the world feels chaotic.

With their understanding, they illuminate the shadows, reminding us that connection can be a powerful antidote to the darkness.

It’s in those shared moments when a hand reaches out, a comforting word is spoken, that we discover the profound impact one person can have.

They become our ultimate savior guiding us back toward the light.

Not only do they help you to live.

They often become your reason for living.

Thank you, Amber.

We were both broken
Alone in our own worlds
Each waiting for the other to break through
Sorted through the pieces
Rearranged and when we looked up
All we had left was broken me and you

We walk a crooked line
The straight path was never for us
I shouldn’t have it any other way with you
I can be harsh sometimes
The loudest version of love
I’m not perfect but I’m good enough for you

Stumbled through failures
And words often laced with regret
Losing sight of what is right in front of us
Soon all that faded
We broke all the walls that we built
Found ourselves picking up pieces again

We walk a crooked line
The straight path was never for us
I couldn’t have it any other way with you
You’re difficult sometimes
Complicate it with so many words
You’re not perfect but I’m still in love with you

We walk a crooked line
The straight path was never for us
I wouldn’t have it any other way with you
Ignored all the signs
Took a chance and never gave up
I’m not perfect but I’m good enough for you
You’re not perfect but I’m still in love with you
We’re not perfect
Just the perfect me and you

Experiencing difficult emotions is a common human experience
Even in the face of abundant blessings
It does not make you strange or unusual
You are not your struggles
Your feelings are real
Brighter days are ahead
You just have to believe
It’s ok to seek help and support when you need it

Just remember…

You are not alone
You are not alone
You are not alone
You are not alone
You are not alone

Think of all the good things in your life
Think of something else
Look at everything you have
Don’t worry about what others think
Ignore your anxiety
Don’t be weak
Quit your whining
Why can’t you just be happy?
Just be happy
Just be happy
Just be happy
Just be happy
Just be happy
Just be happy

Just be happy
Just be happy
Just be happy
Just be happy